The World is All About Girls

The other night as I sat on the couch, I could hear the melodious sound of my children arguing and fussing upstairs (a typical evening). I called them both down and made them sit on the couch next to me -- one on one side, one on the other. They began quickly to air their grievances with one another so I would know who really was at fault. Eventually the fingerpointing came back to an incident which transpired three months ago that my daughter still felt was unsettled:

It was her birthday, the boys wouldn't play with her and consequently, smashed her fingers in the door. She cried. They apologized. She cried more. They got sick of it and said, "Waa-waaa! That's all you ever do!"

It's been three months, and she is still bringing it up every chance she gets. With great frustration, my son entreated me, "SHE ALWAYS TALKS ABOUT THAT!"

I figured this is as good a time as any to let him in on the little known secret. "That's what girls do. If you don't want her to talk about the bad things, don't do anything mean to hurt her feelings."

All right... it's not Biblical, but you have to admit it's true.

He gritted his teeth, held his hands out helplessly and bellowed, "IS THE WORLD ALL ABOUT GIRLS!?" I felt his pain -- his heartfelt frustration, but I had to tell him, "Yes, it is. And the sooner you realize it, the better off you'll be."

He glowered at me silently for a moment, then burst out with, "I DON'T LIKE IT!"

A Couple More

Winnie the Pooh -- Not my favorite

Valentine's Snoopy quilt

Finding Nemo/Fish Bowl quilt

An Unfortunate Diagnosis

(Read this in a monotone.)

The verdict is in. I have no personality. It is unfortunate, I know. Perhaps this does not come as a surprise to you. English teachers are tedious as a rule. I am no exception. My deadpan expression. My blank stare. My humorless chortle. Yes, it's true. I have no personality. If you're looking for personality, you've come to the wrong place. There's nothing to see here. Just go about your business.

When you see me in a room full of people, do not smile, or wave, or try to tell me a joke. I won't laugh -- not even on the inside. You see, I have no personality. And I don't care for people who do. I'll tolerate them, yes. But only because no personality also means no depth of sentiment. I'm shallow. I'm apathetic. I have no interest in my environment. No passion. No ambition. No variety of sentence structure. It all goes together, you see. I have no personality.

I'll leave you with one final thought. Since I have no personality, one thing I can never develop is a personality disorder. And, somehow, even that does not excite me... I have no personality.